Not Yet Through The Night

"I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm okay
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not okay
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light"

I feel like I am falling back into the habits and mindset that has torn my life apart time and time again.. Its been nawing at me for a while now, and though I am trying to fight the feelings that compel me on a downward spiral I just can't help but feel I am fighting a loosing battle and I am closer to falling than I realise...

Its just so difficult having to fight back these feelings all the time, having to fight so hard to stop myself destructing. I mean what's the point if I am just miserable and unhappy any way. Is it really that I am better and ok, or is it because I just want everyone to think I am ok, and I am not engaging in these behaviours as severely as I once was purely to mask the fact I am struggling???